Sitting before a blank page, willing myself to write something meaningful – I glance at my feline pal Loki who is lounging on the arm of my husband’s chair to my right. I know our canine buddy Gus is around here somewhere. I think he is ignoring me because I did not take him for a drive tonight.
In the past few weeks, I have made some progress in my writing efforts and I have been working through a lot of internal blockages to make it happen. Tonight I am feeling tired and empty. That’s okay, that is going to happen. So today’s post is simple and even a little raw.
I am setting new goals for myself, daring to dream new dreams – although I think some of these may just be reincarnations of old dreams that I have buried deep. I started this blog to keep my writing moving forward, so the contents will be random. I hope that my readers find something uplifting, helpful or interesting in my posts.
As part of my process of creating new goals and dreams, I am going back to my childhood. I didn’t fully realize that I was doing this until I was talking with a new friend today. A few things that I have done in the past few weeks and months include looking for and buying books that I loved as a child, walking barefoot in the grass (something I loved doing as a child), visited the local lake and remembered the fun I had splashing in the water as a kid, visited a library, and have done a lot of reflecting about the places I loved, the people I enjoyed spending time with and the activities that made me happy as a child. Just today, I was walking my dog in the park and I stopped at a tree and looked up at it and had a sudden, stopping me in my tracks memory of climbing trees with my brother and a few neighborhood kids. I stood there talking to Gus, telling him that if I was a kid, I would have someone boost me up to that limb there, climb up the next two limbs and sit on that third branch. I wished I could climb a tree today without injury, so I did in my mind. And I took a picture of the tree from a few angles to remind myself of that sense of freedom I found as a child, especially in the apple tree in our back yard.
I am working on finding ways to find those happy, carefree feelings of being a kid. I have always been a worrier and a little bit scared of a lot of things. But, I did feel those moments of pure joy as a child – and some as an adult too. I am ready to chase those moments again. Watch out world – I am ready to have some FUN!
I wanted to write a blog post today, but no topics rose to the top of my mind. I looked around my desk and picked 3 words that popped out to me – Sun, Friend, Blue – from three different words and decided to challenge myself to write something interesting about those three words. Bear with me, this might be a bumpy ride!
The sun and the moon were chatting one evening as they shared the sky. Though they were not very close, they did enjoy each other’s company every now and again. The sun greeted the moon with a cheery “hello, it’s good to see you!”
The moon replied with a lackluster “Yeah, nice to see you too. I don’t really want to be here today though.”
The sun immediately concluded that the moon was not happy to see her. This disappointed her greatly, and she hid behind a nearby cloud to mask the hurt she felt. Once she had her composure back, she appeared again and asked the moon “why don’t you want to be here? Is something bothering you?”
The moon heard the break in the sun’s voice and realized that the sun had taken his unhappiness personally. “Yes, but it is nice to see you again. You always brighten my mood.” The moon did not want to admit the reason for his despondent mood, it was hard to explain.
Now the sun was worried about the moon. What had him so down? “Maybe if you tell me about what’s bothering you, I can help” she suggested.
“It’s a little embarrassing, but I just don’t know what is bothering me. All I know is that I feel ‘blah’ but I don’t know why.” admitted the moon. “I don’t want to be here, but I don’t know where I DO want to be, and I don’t know what I would rather be doing, other than maybe sleeping. And I’m not even tired. Not really anyway.”
The sun offered a slight smile and said “Moon, I understand.”
Before the sun could go on, the moon interrupted “How can YOU understand? I don’t understand. Besides, what would you know about feeling down, anyway? You’re always so….. so….. SUNNY and cheery!”
“HA! I’ve heard that before. Trust me, moon. I know it looks like I have everything and that nothing could possibly go wrong for me, but that simply isn’t true. As for how I could understand something that you yourself don’t understand – maybe ‘understand’ isn’t the right word.” The sun was close to the horizon and needed to help the moon as quickly as she could. “I can relate to what you are feeling. We all have times where we just don’t feel like ourselves, and that can be very uncomfortable. I have found that the key for me is to feel however I am feeling – I have learned it’s best to not try to stop it. Once it has run its course, I usually feel better and then I can move forward. I have been through this many times, I’m sure you will too. Try not to worry too much about why you are feeling this way. My hope for you is that this will pass and you will feel better soon. If it doesn’t pass, and you continue to feel down, then there may be something else going on and you can talk to someone to help you” The sun shared with genuine compassion. “I have had times when the feeling hasn’t passed and I had to talk to a therapist for a while to work through some things. I have friends who have even had to take medication to help them through some tough times. Whether the answer is time, counseling or medication – it’s all okay and nothing to be ashamed of. For me, sometimes it has been as simple as talking to a friend, like we are doing now – and knowing that I am not the only one who experiences these times. Sometimes, that helps me get through a stretch of time when I am feeling down.”
“Wow. I had no idea that you feel down sometimes. You always seem so… so shiny and happy.” the moon admits to the sun. “Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. Even if time and feeling my feelings doesn’t help enough, I already feel a little bit lighter knowing that I am not alone. Thank you for talking to me.”
“I have to go, but I am glad we got to talk today. I hope that you feel better tomorrow and I can’t wait to see you again.” the sun said as she slipped below the horizon.
“Me too, sun” whispered the moon “I hope tomorrow is a better day for everyone!” and the moon stood tall in the sky, blue, but okay.
Well, I guess that brings to light just how I have been feeling the past day or two. Just a little blue for no reason at all. What I have learned over the years is to try to focus on the good things when possible during these down days. I started this story yesterday, but am just finishing up and posting today. So during my down days of yesterday and today – I have tried to focus on my appreciation of my better half, I love him with all my heart. We enjoyed a visit to the local county fair last night and today I have enjoyed a few chats with my youngest daughter and have been thinking about my oldest. And of course, I can’t leave out the fur babies who have been underfoot and looking for attention, which I gladly distribute. My writing has stalled, but I hope to get back to it and fulfill some long held dreams of writing a children’s book (who knows… maybe a series) and maybe something more. I am confident that this familiar feeling will pass, and I hope that when it does I will be able to move forward confidently and swiftly.
In closing – I wish everyone a great day, and a better tomorrow! If you are feeling down, don’t let it defeat you. Down days are okay, but seek help if you need it and don’t be ashamed. After all – we are only human. Take care, and God Bless.
Written August 3 & 4, 2021
Musings of A Mysterious Mind 